What Actually Happens in an EMDR Session

If you have been offered EMDR, or you are quietly weighing it up, you may be wondering what you are agreeing to. It is a therapy that can sound a little strange described from the outside, and not knowing what to expect tends to add its own layer of worry. So I would like to walk you through it gently, the way I might if we were sitting together. Nothing here commits you to anything. It is simply so the process feels a little more familiar before we ever begin.

Nothing difficult happens first

The part of EMDR people tend to picture, the eye movements and the memories, does not come at the beginning. We start far more slowly than that. In our early sessions we get to know one another and something of your history, and we spend real time building a sense of safety and steadiness. That includes simple grounding tools: small ways of settling body and mind that you can use during a session, and in ordinary life between them. Only when you feel ready, and with your agreement, do we begin any reprocessing.

I think of this groundwork as the most important part. The difficult memories we may come to are held far more safely once you have somewhere steady to return to.

What bilateral stimulation actually feels like

When we do begin, I will invite you to bring a particular memory to mind while you follow a gentle left-right rhythm. This is what is meant by ‘bilateral stimulation’, a clinical phrase for something quite simple. Usually it is your eyes tracking my hand or a small moving light from side to side. Some people prefer a soft tapping, on each knee or shoulder in turn, and online we can use on-screen movement or self-tapping just as well.

It is not hypnosis, and you do not lose awareness of the room. You stay awake and present throughout. We work in short sets, perhaps twenty or thirty seconds, and then pause so you can notice whatever has shifted: a thought, a feeling, an image, or sometimes very little at all. Whatever you notice is welcome, and there is no right way to do it. This left-right rhythm seems to help the brain process a memory, a little as it does during dream sleep, so that something which once felt vivid and overwhelming can gradually come to feel more settled, and more firmly in the past.

You stay in control the whole time

This matters to me, so I will say it plainly. You are never handing yourself over to the process. You can slow down, pause, or stop at any point, and you only ever need to share as much of a memory as you wish. I sometimes describe it as watching scenery from a train: you can notice what passes without stepping off into it. If something begins to feel like too much, your grounding tools are ready, and we can come back to steadier ground straight away. It is always your choice.

Why I sometimes suggest 90 minutes

Reprocessing needs enough time and space to open, and then to settle again before you leave. Opening something painful only to close it in a hurry is not kind, so for this part of the work I often suggest a 90-minute session rather than the usual hour, always agreed with you beforehand. You will find both options on my fees page. We also close every session deliberately, returning to the present and to a sense of calm, whether or not a memory feels fully resolved that day.

Whether it feels right for you

EMDR is one of the more thoroughly researched trauma therapies we have, and it is recommended by NICE as a first-line treatment for post-traumatic stress in adults. Even so, I do not see the ways you have been affected as disorders to be fixed. They are understandable responses: signs of how you have coped with what life has asked you to carry. Sometimes we weave EMDR together with Internal Family Systems or art psychotherapy, and where trauma is rooted in early relationships I may draw on attachment-informed EMDR.

If any of this speaks to you, you are welcome to arrange a free introductory conversation through my contact page, so we can think it through together. And if you are in real distress right now, please reach out for urgent support first: EMDR is careful, unhurried work, and it is not a crisis service.

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